This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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