Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
