I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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