Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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