Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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