he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
