Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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