remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's the barista slut.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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