can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
