The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
