I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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