His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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