the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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