i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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