Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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