I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
