my phone needs a breathalizer
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
