I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
