oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
