her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
