My nipple is on Facebook.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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