Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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