I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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