Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
