If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
