ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
