hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
