He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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