I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
