Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
