I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
