Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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