You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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