nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
