even my farts smell like vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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