my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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