my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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