There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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