I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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