i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
