I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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