i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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