I want to stick my p in your. b.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
