Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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