He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
