I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
