I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize