party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
