Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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