Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found a bag of teeth...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
