I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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