dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The ass gains better be worth it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
