Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are we still banned from the library?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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