i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
