Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
