is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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