Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
