There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
