Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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