Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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