Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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