i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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