my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
