Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Someone shit on the floor
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
