i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then he tried to convert me to islam
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
