P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
