ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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