he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
