God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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