Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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