He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
