I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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