why didn't you poke me back
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
