anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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