so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
