I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
