Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize
