you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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