I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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