6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
