Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
